Saturday, 14 July 2012

A letter to my 10-years-younger self

Dear sweetheart!
You are about to start your penultimate year of high school - I know it has been pretty fucking dreadful so far, BUT! It's about to get, like, SO much better! No, really - I promise!x

Be proud of yourself for getting into the IB programme! Right now it feels like a massive insurmountable challenge, but you will absolutely love it!I know that in your sweet silly teenage head you don't believe your luck and you feel a fraud and that any moment now somebody will come and take this great opportunity away from you but - NEWSFLASH! - you earned it and its yours. Just relax. Start believing in yourself!

Things are about to get interesting, so brace yourself! You will fall in love (yes!) with a crazy smart boy (of course) who will only ever wear black tracksuits (wtf?). You will skip school together and kiss in the Lazienki Park on your name-day for the first time. You will spend a few amazing years in each other's company during which you will be lost to pretty much everybody else. (eh, young love...) You will go places together and have lots of fun (he will tell you he loves you at an RPG convention - ace!). He will be your best friend and you will adore his stupid jokes and you will let him feel you up you in an overnight train to Kiev to the sounds of snoring Ukrainians.
Moving in with grandparents was a good idea, and it will actually bring you and your sister closer together (no, really). Nobody will ever make you laugh like she can! Remember to get a rose for Grandma the first time your boyfriend comes over so she'll always not-so-secretly love him more than she loves you.
Breaking up with him will be, for a long long time the worst thing you will have had to do. But you will be friends again, and you will, out of habit, remain frighteningly honest with each other. (Gossip times!)

Also... Congrats! You're at University abroad!It will be nothing you expected and everything you could have hoped for!;) It will be new and exciting and tough and sometimes near fucking impossible, but you will NEVER regret coming to England.
You will remain on not-so-great terms with mom, and you will totally keep on falling out with dad which will lead you to several emergency-employments (you will hate being a waitress, but you will quite like hoovering classrooms).
Tell Grandma Halinka that you love her.
You will go for the best most daring and cheapest holiday ever with your sister cycling in Estonia. It will be EPIC. Your bum will remain sore for weeks. And you will never want to eat mackerel out of a tin ever again. Especially not the one in the "tomato" sauce. (shudders)

PREDICTABLY it won't take you long to fall head over heels in love with a great guy. Somewhere between England, Ireland, Slovakia, Hungary and Poland you will become completely besotted and positively psychotic. You will be very very happy for a long time, you lucky thing! You will have amazing adventures of all sorts, and you will discover music. Your life will gain dimensions you never even imagined, and you will start being your own person. You will travel A LOT and go to a hacker conference in NY, hug a redwood in Yosemite, make out at an ancient cave-burial site in Bulgaria, climb mountains, eat tacos at the Mission district, see the Pixies live in London, hallucinate a mermaid in Amsterdam, never learn how to play the guitar and become an amazing dancer!You will start daring yourself to do more and more things you've always dreamt of! You will be suddenly bursting with love of life you never new you had in you and you will start wanting so many things...

Unfortunately this will eventually drive you two apart.It will hurt like a motherfucker (by then you will be a foul-mouth cultured little vixen). You will be a bit fucked up for a while, and your degree will take a little detour, but this will later make you a better and stronger person.Your family will not be as judgemental as you think. They will love you from afar. And always remember mum's problems are NOT YOUR FAULT.

In your 20's you will meet many great people and have lots of fun, fall for more and less appropriate boys and girls (akherm... not saying anything more about that...) and do a lot of stupid shit you've never even dreamt of when you were 16!:D At the tender age of 25 you will go to your first rave. You will become much MUCH cooler then you are now. Fact.
People will like you (! shocker) and you will make AMAZING friends who will make you laugh until you pee yourself a bit. You will always be broke because you are a failed capitalist (with very pretty earrings) and because you will travel all over the world "while you still have the time" (he he...;) You will make it even as far as Belize (look it up! look it up!).You will start going to great parties and you will discover your inner freak.
Oh, and then you'll become a doctor.
No, not a doctor of meat.
No, really.


Eh, whatever. You're not gonna believe me anyway.
If it makes it sound any more probable, you will be absolutely shitting yourself on your first day, haunted by the idea that there must have been some mistake and any moment now somebody will discover that you haven't passed your final exams after all! (sound familiar?)
And then you will prescribe some Paracetamol, and from then on it will be OK.

Please don't try to grow up too much or too quickly. 10 years from now you will still be drowning in to-do lists you never tackle in time. You will be an EXPERT master procrastinator. Also: please tune down all that swimming and running - you're making me look bad...

I often really feel like being you again.
Quite a lot.

BUT I do have an amazing cat, fabulous memories (enjoy!) and lots of love in my life (not just from the cat). I travel all over the frinckin' place and can't read enough books. I have a lemon tree, the best postcard collection in the universe and I have no idea who I want to be in my life or where to go next.
I have saved absolutely no money. I love hanging out with my friends. I'm going out with a German-Venezuelan juggler, we've just come back from camping in the arctic circle (cooooooold, but do it anyway!:D). I am often grumpy with work, but there are moments I cherish.

And, most of all, I have secrets!;)

Sweet pea, I have said too much already . I love you, and you will too, one day soon.Be strong, be brave and don't let the bastards grind you down!
Stay awesome!
And good luck with those dreadlocks!

Yes yes yes, you will have sex someday.

- me

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