Saturday, 19 June 2010

Scenes from a sample week

Scene 1
In which somebody steals my phone at a party and sends everyone in my phonebook a message "I love you!x".
Cringe cring cringe!
The replies induced varied doses of successive embarrassment. The funniest reply being:
I received your text... but i
don't know who it's from?
Maybe I love you too? Maybe
youre trying to kill me and
eat my soul. I hope ur who i
think u are..

Scene 2
In which I stand over a birthing pool, watching a lady in labour. Mum-to-be takes turns between releasing deep primeval grunt-wails, and screaming obscenities. I am handed a small pink sieve for scooping out the poop, which inevitably shows its ugly physiological head. Well, it's only to be expected, what with all the pushing and contracting and spiking lower abdominal pressure. Still... not the most advertised part of the miracle of childbirth.
The baby pops out, and I'm brought to tears by the ridiculous sense of unreality. Pregnant belly one moment, slimy baby the next. Seeing it live is so bizzare and unbelievable, my brain fails to wrap itself around this momentary transition.
I get to cut the cord. Because nobody else particularly wants to, but hey!:)

Scene 3
In which I find out that the girl who I once dogsat a chiuaua (or was it a chorkie?) named Princess for, changed her name to Sunshine and is currently on Big Brother waving her beglittered Leicester Medical School badge on national tv!!! How ridiculous is that?!!
Having said that, the dog did come in a hand bag with a hole for it's head - surely a forewarning sign?

Scene 4
In which I joke that I will only accept peacock or badger meat for dinner, then turn down the invitation, only to find out badger meat is apparently a bit stringy.

Scene 5
In which I find out that the reason the pharmacist gave me weird looks when I asked him for citric acid, was because of its popularity with heroin users.
I need it to make elderflower wine. The lot behind my house is full of elderflowers in bloom, and a flower picking expedition was a very pleasant way to spend an evening with friends:)


  1. That's one hell of a week!

    I sympathise about the citric acid scene. I had the same problem trying to buy ammonia for my fish tank. Apparantly it can be used to make drugs(?).